margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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