Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
