Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
