thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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