It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
