you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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