i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
