My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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