Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
