I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
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Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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