This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
