It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
