No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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