I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
