How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My dad just said "fuck circus"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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