just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
