And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
