is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
