U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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