My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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