That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
