my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
