Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
