im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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