HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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