My room smells like vodka and shame
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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