Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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