last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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