Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.