i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower