tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
