All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
