Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
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I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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