I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
