Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
