so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize