My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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