I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
