She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
