Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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