I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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