are you still at the devil's house?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
