Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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