Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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