Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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