So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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