mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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