There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
