Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
