Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
