You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize