Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
