happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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