i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
