my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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