dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
