dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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