So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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