I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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