someone threw a dead crab at me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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