dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it glows. i had to have it.
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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