i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
