i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
