Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
