so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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