Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
