every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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