apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
