oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
