just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
