I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
